Things I Am Grateful For This Week

Hey! I’m currently on holiday in Hampshire and I have been here a week now. What are you guys up to? I thought I would share with you what I am grateful for this week. 

  • My mum & her partner’s caravan:

This is our first summer with a static caravan and I’m very grateful that we can spend two weeks on holiday here. It has allowed us to have some family time and to go on day trips around the Hampshire area. This week I’ve visited Lymington and Christchurch!

  • My Grandma’s homemade Victoria sponge:

The lashings of jam and buttercream in my Grandma’s soft and delicious sponge is something I just LOVE. The sugar on top makes it extra yummy!

  • My Followers!:

This week I have had an increase in people viewing, liking and commenting on my blog and I’ve been interacting with lots of you on Twitter. I’m so grateful for my followers, whether you’ve been here from the start or from a minute ago, thank you, you are amazing.

  • My Dad & his partner coming to see me:

They both travelled down to the caravan site to have a day out with me. We went for a meal in a local pub. Then we went to Christchurch and looked around the shops and garden centre. We took silly selfies and had a Fitbit steps competition! It was lovely of them to come and spend some time with me.

  • Male volunteer in Mind charity shop:

As I bought some books, the man serving me asked how I was and he was so kind to me. We had a conversation about how weird the British weather is and he made me laugh. It’s the simple things that make a difference to your day.

What are you grateful for this week?

Please leave a comment and let me know!

Thank you for reading❤

Love Abbie x

Enquiries: its.simply.me3@gmail.com

Twitter: @itssimplyme3

Instagram: its.simply_me

Mental Health & Me

Hey my lovely followers! Now today’s post is a very hard one for me to write. As I type I’m thinking of every excuse to not upload this, and of course I don’t have to, but it’s something I want to talk openly about. This genuinely terrifies me but as my favourite quote says ‘If you can’t beat fear then just do it scared’. If you do not wish to read this or are triggered by these types of posts then I will not be offended and please don’t read it.

I have a mental illness. In fact I have a few. I suffer from a range of different anxiety disorders and depression. I have not self-diagnosed as I have been told by professionals. Now the reason I say this is because it’s not just a case of ‘being a bit sad’ or ‘feeling nervous’. They are debilitating illnesses that have and still do affect every aspect of my life. I will talk about this but as briefly as possible, otherwise this post will be so long…

Aged 4 I was in my first year of primary school and I was sick over someone in front of my whole class. This triggered both Emetophobia (fear of vomit) and social anxiety in my early secondary school years. I’ve had a phobia of sick for as long as I can remember and I have not been sick now for over 6 years. I’m so terrified of it that even writing the word makes me shake. When I was about 10 I performed excessive rituals to ensure I wasn’t sick and that nothing bad happened. This involved counting to ten led on every side of my body before I slept, checking food sell by dates and repeating three figured numbers in my head to ‘make sure’ I wasn’t sick for that amount of days. After a while, this happened less and less and I was not performing any rituals.

Then aged 12 I went on a school trip to Germany and I had the most horrific time. I was served raw chicken, got ill, had my first panic attack, cried all night and had to sit with teachers to make sure I calmed down. I had no idea what was happening to me, but the first panic attack I experienced was on my own, away from my parents, in a foreign country, in a grotty hotel, with only my teacher to calm me down. I was also being bullied and people that were bullying me continued to do so on this trip. One thing included stealing my hotel room key… I survived the trip and when I returned home I had no idea it would be the start of having continuous mental health problems.

I remember going to the doctors aged 13 and shaking so much with my mum that I couldn’t even speak to the doctor. He referred me to CAMHS (Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services) and after a ridiculous waiting time, I had a woman come to my house and sit in my living room, telling me about how my fears aren’t rational. She was right they weren’t and aren’t. But she then left and I would feel exactly the same. To be fair to her she was lovely, but it didn’t help me. Oh and then of course the worst thing that’s happened to me, happened.

I discovered that my Dad was cheating on my mum…I found pictures of a woman in her underwear on his phone and had to make the decision to tell my mum. He left that night and to this day our relationship is pretty crap. CAMHS referred me to relationship counselling, which was six sessions and then that was over and CAMHS discharged me. Great.

This is when things I thought, got buried further and further into my head and many things went from bad to worse. I became obsessed with the number three. I completed rituals in three’s to ‘stop bad things from happening’. ‘Touch that wall three times’ ‘Put that down 3 times’ ‘Drink 3 sips at a time’ ‘Touch anything with the number three on 3 times’ and on and on and on. I started self harming. I didn’t want to leave the house. I had panic attacks alone in the toilets at school. I woke up everyday sad and anxious. I had friends suffering with mental illnesses that I was trying to help. My parents were going through a divorce. I was trying to do my GCSE’s. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me and it just became all too much.

I had an incredible Head of Year that helped me so much throughout this time, some of which I have blocked out of mind because remembering hurts too much. I had a support worker/counsellor in school and back to CAMHS I went. This time for longer but I didn’t reach the requirements of being ‘sick enough’ to need consistent support. So I had about 8 one to one sessions, then they discharged me. I liked my Mental Health worker but as soon as I learnt to trust her, bam she was gone.

I went back to the doctors after admitting I wanted to end my life and continuing to self-harm. I didn’t want to do my life anymore, I couldn’t. I just felt like everyone was giving up on me. As soon as I made a step forward everyone thought I was fine so they discharged me. This included my counsellor at school and I told my Head of Year ‘I was fine’. I really wasn’t fine. After much negotiation with my doctor I went onto anti-depressants. I really didn’t want to but it seemed like the last option. It was terrifying but I did it and they have definitely helped me. Am I disappointed that I’m on them? Yes, but I’d rather be on them than not on them now, because it’s scary how dark things can get.

That was in November 2015 and now I have made progress, I have a job, I completed exams, I am retaking Year 12 so I can do a Childcare course, I have less panic attacks and I have challenged myself more. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have depression and anxiety anymore, I very much still have it and some days are absolute hell. I have a few good days and then I can have a really bad week. I can have a good day, then a bad day.

Anxiety, hopelessness and rituals are still a very big part of my everyday life. For example, today I went shopping and it took me 10 minutes to make a decision on one item in a shop because it wasn’t ‘perfect’. Then I had to choose the third item on every shelf rather than the first item. I had to deep breathe in a queue in a shop because there were so many people around me. I was shaking so much when paying at the till because I was scared of everyone looking at me. I had to ask my mum about the dates on food. This all still happens to me and this was just today. This was a pretty good day.

I still struggle everyday. Sometimes I don’t want to do it anymore and other days I feel like challenging myself. Some days are simply better than others and I have no control over this.

‘Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there’ 

I was terrified about posting this, but I want to raise awareness about mental health. I want to show that you think you know someone, but actually they could be fighting an internal battle.

Please, please, please reach out for help. There are so many websites you can look at, helplines to call and people that will listen to you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

As always, thank you so much for reading ❤

I love you all!

Love Abbie x

 

 

 

Blogger Recognition Award

Hey! I have been nominated for the ‘Blogger Recognition Award’ by girlyblogger! Thank you so much for the nomination, please check out her blog 🙂

Here are the rules:

  1. Write a post to show your award
  2. Acknowledge the blogger than nominated you
  3. Give a brief story about why you started blogging
  4. Give two pieces of advice for new bloggers
  5. Nominate 15 other bloggers for the award

Why I started blogging?

I started blogging in April 2015 and it was because I wanted to have something that I could enjoy just for myself. I wanted to see what types of blogs I could read and learn how to connect with a positive community. I wanted to write about things that I liked and find new interests. This means that my love for photography grew bigger as well as my love for blogging. I love it SO much now ❤

Two pieces of advice for new bloggers:

  1. Blog when you want to and with the content you like to produce.
  2. Never focus on the views or stats of your blog. Blog because you love it.

I nominate – Anyone and everyone, if you’re reading this, then you’re officially nominated!

Thank you so much for reading! ❤

I am blogging everyday this week! (8th-14th August) Are you excited?

Please leave a comment and let me know!

Or you can email me on: its.simply.me3@gmail.com

Or Tweet me: @itssimplyme3

Love Abbie x

Dear Best Friend

Hey! Today I have a very personal post that is about my best friend. If you are triggered or affected by posts around eating disorders, depression or mental health in general then please don’t read it. However, I will not be mentioning numbers or percentages. This is a letter about my best friend and her struggle with anorexia ❤

‘The doctors told me that I could die, but Abbie I don’t care, I just want to be thin’.

This was one of the many conversations that internally broke my heart. But this was it, this was breaking point. She had to be helped and now, otherwise I was going to lose her forever. This conversation happened when she had been admitted to our local paediatric ward. Now, from the outside, when she was dressed in baggy clothes and smiling, you would think there wasn’t anything wrong. But looks are very deceiving. She had been admitted because she was severely underweight and her blood pressure and heart rate had plummeted to dangerously low. But despite this, she didn’t care at all. She rang me whilst led on a hospital bed not allowed to move, and she told me she didn’t care if she died because being thin was what she wanted. This petrified me. She’d given up and there was nothing I could do anymore.

I visited her whilst she was there and she’d tell me how she had to be supervised while eating but when she got the chance she would hide the food in her coat pockets. Then she would say ‘But I’m fine, can I just go home now?’. But then when she had to wheeled in a wheelchair to the toilet just down the corridor, I had to hold back the tears. She was so weak and frail that even that was dangerous to her health.

I remember her being in hospital for about a week the first time and on the Sunday I spent all afternoon with her. We sat on her bed playing Uno and cards, we watched TV, listened to music and chatted about everything. I wanted her to always know that I was there and no matter what I wouldn’t leave her. But I knew that at times she hated this, she wanted me to leave her alone and let her be consumed by Anorexia. I was getting in the way because I tried to make her stop doing it to herself. But I knew Anorexia was in control of her. It wasn’t her. She tried desperately to push me away and we argued about food, me trying to get her to eat something, what she thought about herself, we were horrible to each other and we fell out about it. She hated me when I told a teacher about things that she told me to keep a secret. But I couldn’t keep them any longer, I was scared of what would happen if I didn’t tell. I thought ‘even if she hates me and never speaks to me, I’ll know I’ve done the right thing’. Our friendship completely evolved around anorexia, it tried to kill her and our friendship.

I spent hours and hours researching by looking at websites, articles, watching TV programmes and videos to try and understand. To try and do something to help. Our school knew, CAMHS knew, Doctors knew, family knew and a small amount of friends knew, but NOTHING was being done about it and I’d had enough of trying to prove to people that ‘she was sick enough’ to receive professional help.

This was until she was transferred from the ward to an eating disorder unit. Despite her desperately not wanting to go, me crying after our final phone call before she went and the fact it was two hours away, she did it. She got in that taxi and has since faced the most terrifying thing for her. I wasn’t in contact with her for three weeks initially and those weeks went so slowly and I had no idea what was going on or how she was. I sent her letters and finally she called! She’d been given a brick phone! She explained everything that was going on, the friends she’d made, the rebellious things she got up to and what the hospital was like. It reassured me and even though she hated it, I knew this was the right thing for her.

The first time I visited her in hospital was absolutely terrifying because not only was I about to see my best friend after 81 days apart, but I had to test my own anxiety. I had to make sure that I was careful with what I said, how I reacted. I had to build up the courage to talk to the hospital staff whilst desperately trying not to have a panic attack. I didn’t know what an eating disorder unit was like and I was scared. But, after being sat with my Dad in the waiting room, my best friend came running out smiling and jumped on me for a hug. She looked healthy and beautiful and she still does. All of my worries went away, I had her back and we had the nicest day together.

That hospital has saved my best friends life. I cannot thank them enough for that. The staff have looked after her and have been there for her whenever she needed them. She has met the most amazing and inspirational people that are now her close friends. The girls I have met; you are all amazing. All the girls I have written letters to, spoken to on the phone and now I’m friends with you on Facebook. I look forward to following your journey to recovery. Stay brave, keep fighting and never give up.

Now, fast forward time to now and she is still in hospital and has been there nearly 5 months. She has make remarkable progress and has started her journey to recovery. I am unbelievably proud of her and I know that she can beat Anorexia! I love her so much and we plan to create the greatest memories together in the future.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I know what anorexia is like because I don’t – AT ALL. But I do know what it’s like to suffer with mental illness, what it’s like to watch a friend be tortured by an eating disorder and how it has affected me.

‘Anorexia nearly killed her and our friendship, but she is fighting back and it won’t win anymore’.  ~

I hope in some way this post helps people, even if it was just one person I would be happy.

Please check out my best friends blog and all of the lovely girls (that I know have blogs!) below. They write so well about their experiences, struggles and road to recovery ❤ :

https://fightingforlife99.wordpress.com

https://embracingauthenticityblog.wordpress.com/

https://mindofmayaa.wordpress.com

https://immyinwonderland.wordpress.com

Thank you so much for reading! ❤

Love Abbie x

My July Favourites

Hey! It’s the 31st of July and this means that it’s the perfect time to show you my July Favourites! Now most of the things are random but I’ll start with my three beauty (ish) favourites! 🙂

1. Garnier Softening Cleansing Lotion

I have been loving this cleansing lotion because it takes my makeup off perfectly and it doesn’t affect my sensitive skin. It has lasted me the whole of July and for £3.29 it’s very good value.

2. Zoella Sweet Inspirations Body Mist

I received Zoe’s new Body Mist for my birthday and the new ‘Sweet Inspirations’ range smells incredible! I love having a little spritz of this during the day to freshen up. I have used this every day since my birthday!

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3. Cloud Washi Tape

I purchased this cloud and heart washi tape from Paperchase and its so beautiful. I have loved using it in my journal throughout July.

4. Primark Rose Gold Vanilla Candle

I know its summer and a lot of people only light candles in Autumn/Winter but this Primark candle had been sitting on my chest of drawers for ages and I decided to light it. It smells so strong and has melted evenly. I also just love the rose gold colour!

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5. Beautiful Broken Things – By Sara Barnard

This book is AMAZING! It is in Zoella’s book club and it has such a heart-warming, honest and emotional plot and it really explains the importance of true friendship! I couldn’t put it down and I strongly recommend it! An absolute MUST-READ.

6. Finding Dory

I watched Finding Dory in the cinema yesterday with my best friend and we enjoyed it so much! It was so cute, funny and a great sequel to Finding Nemo. I loved it, please go and see it at your local cinema!

That’s all my July Favourites!!!

Thank you so much for reading! ❤

What are your July Favourites?

Please leave a comment and let me know!

Or you can email me on: its.simply.me3@gmail.com

Or Tweet me: @itssimplyme3

Love Abbie x

 

 

 

 

 

The Five Senses Tag

Hey! Today I have the ‘Five Senses Tag’ for you 🙂 I was nominated to do this tag by the lovely Béline, thank you! Please check out her blog and give it a follow! – https://blogoceane.wordpress.com

In the tag I’m just going to tell you my favourite five things for each of the senses!

The rules for the 5 Senses Tag are:

1: You have to thank the person/people who nominated you.

2: You have to write five things for each of the five senses.

3: Nominate five other bloggers.

Sound:

  1. The sea
  2. Family and friends laughing
  3. My cats purring
  4. Sparklers
  5. My favourite songs

Sight:

  1. The beach
  2. Sunset
  3. Heavy snow
  4. Fairy lights
  5. Wildlife

Taste:

  1. Chocolate
  2. Fanta
  3. Roast dinners
  4. Nando’s
  5. Watermelon

Touch:

  1. Hugs
  2. New bed sheets
  3. Stroking my cats
  4. Warm baths
  5. Fluffy blankets

Smell:

  1. Baking
  2. BBQ’s
  3. Flowers
  4. Zella Body Mist
  5. Lush bath bombs

I nominate: 

Thank you so much for reading ❤

Love Abbie x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Family Party

Hey! Last weekend I went to my Great Auntie’s 80th Birthday Party. It was set in her son’s beautiful house and garden and there were around 60 people there. It was so lovely to see her because I hadn’t seen her for a few years and to have a lot of the family there together was really nice 🙂

They had a small marquee tent that had lots of cakes, sandwiches and drinks in. There were these delicious scones and I couldn’t help but take a photo of them!

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I loved spending the time with my younger cousins. We kicked a football around, chased each other and stupidly danced along to the live Jazz band! Then we went to the field where their Alpacas are! They are so cute and my cousins and I fed them 🙂

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After, my Great Auntie did a speech and a toast! Then the cake was cut and we sat on the grass eating it and talking.

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It was such a lovely afternoon and I enjoyed spending time with the people I love. I’m so grateful for all of them ❤

Thank you so much for reading! ❤

What have you got planned for this weekend?

Please leave a comment and let me know!

Or you can email me on: its.simply.me3@gmail.com

Or Tweet me: @itssimplyme3

Love Abbie x

Mini Stationery Haul

Hey! Recently I have been loving all things stationery. I have started journaling and I wanted some new notebooks and washi tapes to decorate the pages 🙂

I went into my local village and to my surprise there was a new stationery shop and from there I picked up a few things. I got the Leuchtturm 1917 Purple A5 squared notebook, the Page Mates sticky notes and two washi tapes.

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Then I went into Sainsbury’s and found that they have a new floral range out. It is absolutely stunning! So I couldn’t help myself and I picked up the pack of three washi tapes and the ‘Dream Big’ notebook. Then I found the gold notebook in the sale for just £1.50!

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I am in love with my new washi tapes! 🙂

That’s everything that I bought!

Thank you so much for reading! ❤

What are your stationery favourites?

Please leave a comment and let me know!

Or you can email me on: its.simply.me3@gmail.com

Or Tweet me: @itssimplyme3

Love Abbie x

Why Haven’t I Posted?

Hey my lovely followers ❤ Now I kind of have some explaining to do. I haven’t been blogging since the 4th of May and I need to let you know why…

Firstly, towards the end of May I had to finish my health and social care coursework so I powered through so much work to get it all done early. I also felt so anxious and down, and  I had no inspiration to blog around this time, let alone the time to write a post!

I mentioned this before in another post but, my friend is currently in hospital suffering from anorexia and I have spent time writing her letters, visiting her, making sure she’s okay and trying to be the bested friend I can be. I hate watching her go through this and it affects me in ways that neither her or anyone else will ever understand. No matter how long it takes, I know she’ll get there in the end! ❤

Also, I’ve not been in the right headspace to post as my blog is a place that is positive and I didn’t want to post anything when I wasn’t feeling positive.

I currently have tonsillitis as well so I’m on antibiotics for that! BUT… I’m back and I have been planning lots of posts and I’m ready to start up my blog again!

Thank you for sticking around for me and as always thank you so much for reading ❤

Love Abbie x

 

 

My Hopes For Spring

Hey! Today I thought I would share My Hopes For Spring with you. I feel like it’s nice to set yourself small goals each season as it is something to aim towards. Then if you achieve a goal it makes you feel good about yourself. Something everyone deserves to feel 🙂

1. Firstly, I am growing carrots and lettuce so I hope that they keep growing and that I don’t forget to water them. Then I hope I can actually eat something I have home grown!

2. Secondly, I want to read at least five books. I love reading but never have enough time. So I want to make time for it! Please leave recommendations in the comments!

3. I want to continue to achieve well in school and get work completed on time.

4. I also hope to continue to make my best friend smile by talking to her and making her laugh while she’s going through a hard time in hospital ❤

5. Lastly, I hope to continue to find better ways of coping and using those strategies everyday to make each day easier.

Thank you so much for reading! ❤

What are your hopes for Spring?

Please leave a comment and let me know!

Or you can email me on: its.simply.me3@gmail.com

Or Tweet me: @itssimplyme3

Love Abbie x